Sophisticated love.

So like now, i'm in a super depressed mood.
Sigh.
But after reading certain someone's blog, i finally decided that i should try blogging it out, and maybe it might just make me feel better..

But due to that person still comes to my blog once in a while, i'm gonna change his name, to Alex.
No idea why Alex, but first name that came to my mind. So i shall blog calmly, without any curse words.

So, it's been years, and i've been living like a happy little princess, or at least all my friends saw the side of a happy little princess. Always known as lucky girl, and always surrounded by all my darling friends.

Ever since i'm back and school started, ever since i caught that glimpse of you, i start to doubt everything that happened these years. Every single thing that made me smile, i'm starting to think it's just a smokescreen to substitute how much i still miss you. Who knows, every guy that i've dated after you was just a substitute for you, to make me forget you, forget how much it kills without you. Alex might've been my first, but maybe that's why every relationship after Alex didn't work out right, or lasted long..

I didn't know what i did wrong, i didn't even get the chance to prove that we might work out. All it took was a sentence my cousin said, which wasn't even true. There wasn't even enough time to work everything out, or to even settle down.
You judged, and sentenced me to death, when i did no wrong and wasn't even guilty. Yet now, even after years, you're making my life hell, without even knowing.

WHY ARE GUYS ALL THE SAME.
You left me dangling there, alone, so did he...
I wasn't even explained for, no one gave me an explanation, just a lie; and i'm expected to move on. I'm not a dog, at least give me a reason, a valid reason. Not just any sentence my cousin bombarded out due to his retardedness. I might've changed, but there's no doubt my feelings have not, and the way i treat relationships haven't either. But who's gonna be there to see it all.

No one.

Every guy showed up to tear my faith for relationship, now it's broken, yet no one's willing to build it up. Maybe if i deserved it, i would say in return to myself, karma's a bitch.
But no, i didn't play any guys, i don't either, really, what have i done to deserve this.

I always thought it's my life, and i get to choose everything in my life, i'm used to choosing, and i've been given lots of choices. But no, it's a different situation, this time i wasn't even given NOTICE of, much less to say CHOICES. No choice, no chance to explain, to time to prove anything, no reason to leave me alone, yet they made a choice for me, took away my chance, and my time, fabricated a reason, which wasn't even true, hence the word fabricated.

People came to me for advices, i'm glad they do, and it's helped them. But i don't think i'm a good "advisor" I can't even follow my own advices, nor convince myself to follow it. Someone ever said i must've been someone who's really strong to be giving good advices. I beg to differ, cause no one ever knew that i really needed that someone. Yes, that someone; the point of this post; Alex.
I think, at this moment, all it's gonna take is just a little push, and i'll fall, bad.

I'm really upset.. yes i am. If anyone was to ask if i'm okay, no i'm not. But oh well, no one cares.
Everyone cares about having fun, everyone thinks my life's perfect, yet no one talks to me emotionally. No one ever thought there's this time of my life which isn't fun at all, it's like hell, and that my life's not perfect, i do not have all the fun and all the friends in the world. No one has ever thought that my friends that i loved most and had the most fun with changed and left.

Nope, my life is perfect, why yes it is... Oh so perfect.
Cause i have all the freedom in the world. My mum's so cool that i can tell her everything, so nice that i can stay out all the time. Just cause of that, my life's great.

I'm judged.